if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
