turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
