I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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