i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
