in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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