Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Buhtt sex?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
