I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
