Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
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