He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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