He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
