It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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