Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
