where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
