I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
