good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
