I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
