I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Me. At least after what I've been through.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
