u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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