it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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