i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just googled if crying burns calories
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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