my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
