Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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