it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
