Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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