I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
