Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
