Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
