i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
