someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
