My room smells like vodka and shame
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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