My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
