dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
