Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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