Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
