all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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