I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
