If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
