I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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