Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
