I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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