My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
