Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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