I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
