Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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