dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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