Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
