while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
