I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
