you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
