dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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