i'm lost and i look like a hooker
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
