help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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