I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just invented taco cereal.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Randomize
