my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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