I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
