Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
